Post Rapture Rap

Post Rapture Rap
-by Don Getleft-Behind and The Sentient Simian

My alarm goes of on 22 May,
Go to check my mail to start my day
Get to my door only to find
My mailman left his socks and shoes behind.

Sanctimonious churchy woman down the street I hear
Cryin’ and moaning, sayin “SHIT! I’m still here!”
“Don’t sweat,” I say, “cause you didn’t make the list.
There’s also Palin, Beck and Trump, and every televangelist.”

At the bus stop, a boom box abandoned there
Tuned to a Christian Rock station that’s playing dead air.
So I slip in a death metal disc and set it spinnin
With no Christians to hear it, when they scream ‘fuck you’, is it really sinnin?

All of my neighbor’s kids are gone
So who’m I gonna hire now to mow my lawn?
I’m sittin with my coffee and I’m decidin
Gonna do a Magnum, PI, find out where the Christian cats are hidin

They’ve gone to Oak town to see their Mac Daddy
To see where he went wrong when he did his Bible addy
He says to them all “Be chillin just a bit.”
“It takes me some time to make up all this shit.”

He says, “Now I see what I forgot to do.
Instead of dividin here, I shoulda took it times 2.”
“So instead of twenty-leven, it will come in twenty-twenty,
And until then, just keep sending in your money.”